Starting Over

My life has completely changed in the last 6 weeks. The plan of buying a house with my husband is totally gone. Those of you who know the story know it. If you don't, I don't want to talk about it here. (7/5/08- Let me clarify... I will talk about MY feelings here, but I'm not going to get in to all the personal details and reasons and events)
So the short version is that I'm starting my whole life over. Well, not completely over, I guess. I have a good nursing job that I really like. But I was living with my parents for about a month. Now I am renting a house. It's pretty nice. And it is really good to have a home. But it is still really hard. I went from being in a happy marriage (at least I was happily married) and buying a house, to being dumped, confused and renting a house on my own. Just like that. Everything I felt secure about is gone.
Last weekend, my family and some friends helped me move OUR stuff out of OUR apartment (my husband didn't go help- and that made me a little angry), and move MY stuff into MY house. Much of OUR stuff has become MY stuff. I guess that's the price he paid for not helping.
I have been through several of the stages of grief. I've experienced Denial and Bargaining. I am done with them for the most part, but sometimes they creep back in. Usually I am stuck somewhere between Anger and Depression. I can't wait for the day that I finally get to acceptance.
What sucks the most is that my husband was my best friend for LITERALLY half of my life. So I had always gone to him whenever I had any sort of problem. And now I can't. And I have completely lost my best friend. All of my other friends have been über-supportive and I couldn't have made it this far without them. But they're not Andrew.
I am not good at being alone. I need someone. Do you know how much it sucks to go to sleep by yourself when you really believed that you would never have to do that again?
But I am really trying to continue living my life. I am reconnecting with friends that I have kind of lost touch with. Today, I'm going to spend the afternoon with a friend floating around her parent's beautiful in-ground pool drinking pina coladas and eating burgers.
Once I find where I packed my camera, I can post pictures of my new life. I can show my newest tattoo (I've learned that when I'm faced with a major stressor, I tend to choose a risky behavior to alleviate stress, for example a tattoo after my grandmother passed away last year, pierced my nose after an especially rough semester at nursing school, and I'm seriously considering a sky diving adventure now...). I can show my new hummingbird feeder! Well, maybe I'll wait a few days on that one until the hummingbirds actually start to come...
I wish it was a warm, beautiful, sunny day to lounge around the pool. Well, it's slightly less cloudy than an hour ago. And the temperature has gone up 5 degrees.
Maybe things really will be getting better...